Dinah Radtke
A miracle?

I was born as the second of four daughters. My mother always wanted to have a son. That I was a girl was a disappointment to her. When I started to limp at the age of three it was difficult to find the cause. First it was thought, that I had an inflamed appendix. When it was operated they found out that my appendix was quite okay. For years doctors had been looking for the right diagnosis. What they finally found out was that I had spinal muscular atrophy, a so called hereditary disease. For years my parents had believed that I would die at the age of twelve years. So when it came to the decision whether I should go to a secondary school like my other sisters it was decided it would not be worth the trouble. When I was twelve I got rheumatism. I had to stay in bed for a long time and I could hardly walk at all. So my parents decided that I should stay at home and not go to school anymore.

My mother believed very much in healing powers. When I was ten all the family travelled to Lourdes because she thought Saint Mary would heal me. All the way to Lourdes she prayed the Rosary. I was so exited that I would be healed there that I got a high fever. The procedure with the bath and the Holy Source, the nuns and the holy mess outside on the lawn with hundreds of disabled people was a nightmare. My smaller sisters cried so hard in the next bathroom when they had to dive in the ice cold water that I thought they would be killed. Anyway there was no miracle in Lourdes. Later on my mother tried two healers on me. But then it was my fault that it didn't work out.

My father was a neurologist and always told me that science would find some remedy to help me. On the other hand he told me that I would die with pneumonia at the age of fifty. But I'm still alive now and well over fifty.

I only tell this story to make it clear how difficult it was for me to accept my disability. It was a process, which took many, many years.

As an adolescent I was very isolated and unhappy as I had no friends and nothing to do. We lived on the first floor of an apartment house. Because of my physical disability I couldn't leave the house very often as I had to crawl down and up the flight of stairs myself a fact of which I was very much ashamed. I only had a wheelchair at the age of fourteen. My mother always told me that I shouldn´t worry about my future because my sisters would always look after me later on. And she always told me to forget about men that I wouldn´t get married anyhow.

When I was eighteen secondary school was introduced on television in Germany. You only had to go to a kind of professional school once a month. The television course to take your O-levels took three years. This was my chance to finish school. I decided I would try this and convinced my father to take me to school once a month. The first meeting in that school was in a big hall and my father pushed me in the middle of that hall. My wheelchair at that time had only small hind wheels, so I couldn't move myself very well at that time. Around myself along the walls of that hall were about hundred people who wanted to start that television course as well. My father went to the director and introduced himself: „My name is Dr. Radtke, this is my daughter, please look after her and tell me at what time to fetch her again.“ I felt very much ashamed, everybody looking at me and very much left alone.

I survived this period astonishingly well and I persisted in continuing my school career. With twentyone I went to a boarding school five hours by car from home to start to learn languages. My idea was to give private languages lessons at home in order to earn a living later on as my non-disabled sisters had private language lessons in order to have better marks at school. I had a very difficult time in that boarding school and other institutes till I finally had success in getting my translator diplomas for the English and the French language. But at that time I really started to live my own life.

I successfully resisted to live with my parents when I had finished my professional training and insisted in taking my own apartment in a different town.
I have been living with a partner for twenty years. Some years ago we separated. Now I'm living on my own in the company of my dog.
When I was about thirty years old I started to get involved with other disabled people. We founded our first disabled students selfhelp organisation. In 1988 we founded our selfdetermined living centre in Erlangen. I'm now the director of the counselling service of this selfdetermined living centre. In 1990 we founded our German umbrella organisation for selfdetermed living centres (ISL). In 1991 ISL Germany became a member of Disabled Peoples´ International European Region and I was elected a Vice-chair of DPI Europe. Later on I was elected chair of the DPI Women's Committee in Europe, in 1998 chair of Women's Committee worldwide. And now in September 2004 I've been elected vice-chair of DPI World with a special task to look after Human Rights.

I was a very unhappy, frightened and shy young woman. But the involvement into the disability movement and the discussions with other disabled women and men helped me a lot in my personal life. About twenty years ago I started to found womens groups. We discussed the double discrimination of disabled women, we discussed beauty ideals, societal norms, sexual violence against disabled women, bioethics, euthanasia, personal assistance, professional training and work for disabled women etc. The importance of these issues hasn´t changed since that time. We developed our own professional training course in Germany for Peer Counselling. The idea to support other disabled people in finding their own way and above all to change life conditions of disabled people fascinated me very much and still do. Disability is a normal factor in life and it´s nobody´s fault to be disabled. We disabled people have rights, we have human rights and we claim that they be respected.

The predictions of my parents didn´t come true and I have to admit that they supported me as well when I had decided what I wanted to do. But all these restrictions and limitations during my childhood and adolescence have given me the power to fight and find my way as a woman with a disability. I think my life has been quite challenging some times and quite fulfilling. And it still is. There is still a lot to fight for and to change for us. We can do it because we are powerful, we have courage and we are beautiful!